I always come back when I have nothing to do...

Oh, well.
I've been fooled.
You know when you're all upset, and pissed off, and you want to crush someone's balls, and overall need to cool off? I just suddenly went... whatever. :)
Haha, really. I was feeling really sad. But whatever came over me like a wave. My life is more important than his bullshit.
Yes, he's done terrible things. I've suffered. He hurt me. But you know.. whatever! Life goes on. Fuck him, fuck that shit. Fuck the whores, fuck the bad friends, fuck the fake friends he has, fuck the fucked up life he leads. Fuck the mediocre job he has, fuck the life he throws away every time he gets drunk. Fuck his fucked up behavior towards his kind family, fuck him (yes, once again).

Now I've got me to think about. I really need a job. A good starting point would be really awesome. I also have some AMAZING people in my life right now. He 'left' and I got incredibly loving friends instead. You know what?! GREAT exchange! Who needs a shitty lover when I can have great friends who care about me?
With him, it was either this or that. So. Fuck that!

Yeah, fine, maybe whatever isn't, like, 100% loaded just yet. But I'm on my way there, I promise. Serious. Whatever to you, honey. You fucked me over, but you fuck yourself over everyday, so you know.. whatever! ;)

Xoxo to those who care about me, truly. Love ya!

...and here I was thinking it was such a nerdy thing to do, spending my summer break in front of the computer! I guess I'm not a nerd!

It's amazing how much life can change in one year (and a half).
Just last year, I was a single gal starting college at a place I didn't like, so sure that there was only people I would hate, and to learn something I wasn't sure was what I wanted.
All my friends were scattered: I had made friends during prep school, and there were a few of my friends from High School left, but I started the year thoroughly empty handed. I felt alone.

The year began awkward: I didn't know anyone and wasn't so sure I even wanted to. But the classes weren't so bad. And then I started meeting people, and they were so different from "all the rest": all the people who looked like they belonged in the ads instead of studying to create the ad itself, who looked ready to party 24/7 and like they had macaroni instead of brains in their skulls.

So I suddenly had friends. Friends who were cool and different, outcast but fine with it, just like me.

Then one of my friends from High School decided to keep up our friendship, even though she lived a thousand miles away. She had just broken up with her boyfriend, who I thought was cute but never actually got to know because my friends' boyfriends are completely off-limits in my book. That meant that friendship is usually hard to achieve, specially if I suspect jealousies on my friends part.

Okay, so I was now happy. The college didn't make that much of a difference, except on my parents pockets, the classes were fun so far, so I didn't care (what else was I going to do, anyway?), and I had a few friends, and an old friend who actually seemed to care about me.

But time went on, and I witnessed this old friend fight with said ex-boyfriend, and I got worried, because this ex-boyfriend was a cool guy, he was just so immensely broken hearted. So I started to talk to him. You know, randomly. So to try and understand his deal, so we could all hang out in peace. Except we became too friendly. He became too friendly. Everyone started joking, saying he was into me, including my old friend. What the hell.

I was pissed. Seriously. I didn't know what to do, I would never do THAT. But he WAS nice, and I found myself unable to simply ditch him because people found teasing me so amusing.

And I went on with my weird classes, and my weird friends, trying to get to know more people from my classroom (and I was seriously and sincerely trying to be less JUDGEMENTAL, but it was hard), still friends with my old friend and forming a nice bond with her ex-boyfriend.

Whatever, right?

So the end of June came along, with the winter holiday, and all I did was stay in my house rotting. So I went on walks with the previous mentioned ex-boyfriend, given he lives so close to me.
One day, proving not one of them really knew me (well, duh. What was I doing there anyway?), me and the ex-boyfriend and all his friends - which were my old friends' friends, and went out with us every now and then - went out at night. I suddenly started going out with them, WITHOUT my 'old friend'. And as weird as it was, it was fun, too. Nice to go out and hear people talking about nothing important... and suddenly they all disappeared from the table. Leaving me and the ex-boyfriend all alone.

He laughed and I smiled sheepishly, feeling like I should've stayed home. He asked if I knew why the guys did that. Oblivious, I said no. I thought about it, sure, but they wouldn't be so ridiculous. Or so I thought. The guys left so we could have privacy. To what?! To ourselves. What, the, hell? So they thought something was going to happen, THAT NIGHT, between me and the ex-boyfriend. I felt insulted.

It was enough to make me pissed and hate the childish ways of his friends. How could I ever think they were cool? Urgh, I felt like punching someone. This was one of my best friends ex boyfriend. Do they REALLY think I'd be that much of a bitch? Even if they were broken up for 6 months already, they dated for almost 3 fucking years! You don't erase that!

Whatever. I continued to be his friend, but showed him how angry I was. Just so he'd know: I don't think "we" would ever gonna happen.
But I was wrong. I was that much of a bitch.
He suddenly started acting a little bit more afraid, and trying to tell me things, obviously confessing his feelings without actually saying anything literally. I was not going to let that get to me. At least I thought I wouldn't.

Next day, we went for a walk. We kept on walking, and walking, and talking so much, getting to know each other even more... and it started to get dark, and we sat to rest. And talked. And I made him say it. If he really meant it, if he really liked me, he was going to have to say it. And he did. So embarrassed, he looked down and said he liked me, and that I had to know by now. And I said I knew.

We got up, on our way back to the car (we were walking on a park far from home, this time), my hand in his hand. Like children who were too ashamed to do anything else. He was dropping me off, and we kissed, just when we were going to say goodbye. And I felt amazing. I felt gifted. I wondered, the second I got out of the car, if my friend was going to hate me. I had already asked her if she would be pissed if something happened, but I was just saying it. Because she was teasing me. And she said no. As long as I was happy and remained her friend.

So, as it was the winter holidays and I had nothing else to do, we were like glue and paper. We saw each other every day. On the third day after our first kiss, he asked if I would be his girlfriend. And it took me a while, as I thought we were moving way too fast, but then I thought that maybe it was inevitable, and said yes. And in August, after going to an amusement park and having the best day ever, he got us rings. Commitment rings. And we smiled at each other, deep in love.

The next day, sadness.
The next day, I woke up to find my Prince, my dear yorkshire dog, who I got when I was 9 years old, lying dead on his bed. I went into shock and desperation. My baby was dead. The whole family went into stupor, depression, at least for a day. We buried him in the yard. I dug the hole, pissed off with the world, cause this wasn't fair. I hurt my hands, pissed off that I had to do this. He was only 10. He didn't have to go so soon...

And I called him, my now-my-boyfriend, and he came, and held me while I had no more tears to cry. Made me laugh, even if it wasn't much. And went home, leaving me at least comforted.

If it wasn't for him, I would have cried myself to depression and a suicidal state. I know I would, I know myself better than ever now.

And classes began again, time passed. I still cry when I think of my dog. But life goes on. I had a reason to be happy this time: I was going to have photography classes this semester! So many ups and downs...

We kept seeing each other every day, he worked in the mornings and had the afternoons off. We started going to the gym together (I NEVER went to the gym!), and he would have classes at night sometimes (he was finishing college), and he would come over before his classes. Or just come over and skip them! Hehehe..

And then it was New Year, and I was happy with my life. I had accepted the college I was in, as well as the Advertising major, and I had friends, and a nice, cute, loving boyfriend. I just lost a dog in the process....
(And felt guilty as HELL for dating one of my best friends ex-boyfriend, but then again, the damage was done..)

The year 2009 began nicely, and my semester began beautifully, as I was on holiday and enjoying every day with my boyfriend, instead of my usual holidays: staying in, going to sleep in the morning (6am.. sometimes 7, 8 am) and waking up 4pm and even later (which is, yes, what I am doing know. Shush. The boyfriend changed his shift to the afternoon and we only see each other on the weekends now...).

Having acquired my first ever long-term boyfriend, I matured. Having lost my precious puppy, I matured. I left my judgements almost behind. I tried to make more friends, and I did! I began to get to know more people, who I found out were different too, just as outcast as I was. And it felt great. And then I had MORE friends, from another city, through a hard-to-explain process: my now-my-boyfriend's best friend was actually from Jaguariuna, a city nearby Campinas (where we live), and one day we went to a party with two friends from his city, a couple. And they were nice, and the next time we saw them, we met two more very cool people from Jaguariuna, and the number just grew, as we started to visit their city.

It was nice to make friends. I mean, I miss having REALLY close friends, like I had when I was 14, 15, but the thing is... trusting people is a tricky business. It's not always the best thing to do, and I learned that very early in life. At college, I had another classic example. Practically a LEECH. And in the process of getting rid of that leech, we discovered someone who didn't need to keep his strings attached to us. Good for him. Whatever.

Oh, we also got a new dog. A lhasa apso 3 month old lil girl, crazy thing! Very spunky, we called her Meg. She's sweet but oh-my-god, so hyperactive. Our other yorkshire, Cindy, is definitely putting up with some annoying stuff! Even my cat is getting some of the crazy! Meg seems to want to play all the time. My mom thought getting her was a good idea, since we were all broken-hearted and Cindy was all alone now, she might need a companion.

ANYWAY... Life keeps surprising me with changes. No matter how good or bad they are, I was surprised with how my life changed from last year to this year. I am about to complete a whole year dating my boyfriend, and I feel positively happy (view previous post). It's scary to be this happy. It's scary to know that all of this happened in such a short time. Time seems like a terrible measurement scale if I compare 2008 with previous years. It just does. I wonder if it was the relationship... I felt like I grew so much when I started having a serious relationship. Is that weird? Is it weird that time seemed to not make sense after I got into this relationship? Who knows.

This is my story. It's long and weird, but then again, weirdness has been a constant factor in my life.

It's true, I swear!
And I think I've never said it here. That I was happy.
No matter what sucks in my life right now (like the fact that I'm gaining pounds like crazy), I'm truly happy. And, I have to admit it, it feels so GOOD!
I have this cute and wonderful boyfriend who I love and adore... I have the best parents in the world, no matter how crazy they are. I have a few friends, who can actually make me laugh! I've been trying really hard to get good grades, and sometimes it worked perfectly! Some didn't, exactly, but its ok, as long as I don't fail anything...
I'm happy. It feels good to type it and have a big smile take over my face.
It feels amazing to know and to feel HAPPINESS.
And I KNOW, I just KNOW it won't last forever. So I'm appreciating it. As much as I can. As HARD as I can. I'm adoring every minute of it, because I know it'll expire. I don't know when, it doesn't matter. I just love that I have it now. :)

Hm, so I had something to post this time. Rare, huh?
I'm going to try and update this more often (since my English is trying to go downhill on me, and I ain't gonna let that happen!), I swear!

Cya :*

Testing! Posting from Flickr :)
I like this picture.
And its been a while.
Sorry.

Yay :P
Well, not yay, but whatever, old posts.
Some of my old posts that had images from my photobucket will suffer cause I'm deleting a bunch of these images from there so I can make the album relatively public. So anything with me, my face, or embarrassing stuff is going. Not to mention a lot of icons I made for LJ... hahaha damn. But thats ok cause a lot of those sucked anyway.


Nothing to say here, as usual.
Life's been normal, I guess.
Blah.

I don't know. I haven't posted here, for real, in ages.
I'm not supposed to waltz back in right?
I've been keeping up a good blog at http://constantmetamorphosis.blogspot.com/, but its in portuguese. I miss writing in english. Its good for me, I need to keep up my good skills.
Which brings me to the point that I want to write fanfics. I want to write. I want. But I have these mixed and literally random ideas that don't connect and don't make a whole. I have pieces. I need a whole.

This is tiring. So I'm trying to draw.
I trying to find courage. I'm thinking whether the 100 prompt table from fanart100 could help me with my drawing, at least. Because I like drawing, but I have no ideas. Maybe the table will help. But with what characters? I was never able to draw fanart.


I SUCK.